I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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