I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize