please come you make the beer taste better
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
