Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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