I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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