y did u give ur computer a hand job?
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
