new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
