It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
