Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
