I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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