Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
