Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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