It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
