apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
