Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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