video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
