Pregnant stripper...not hot.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I love having hate sex.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
