Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
