You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
