i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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