im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
