my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
