What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
