Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
