i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
