I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
