Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My ass is underappreciated
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
