i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Congratulations! We have a period
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