I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
