I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
