I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
ttyl tear gas
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
