yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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