see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
