He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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