dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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