Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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