we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
