i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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