She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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