I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
