i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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