i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
