At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
