fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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