I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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