can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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