So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I am one with the molecules
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
