I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
third nipple confirmed
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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