I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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