Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
