How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
