Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
