the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
