If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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