Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
