my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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