Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
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