Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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