Redeem this text for a blowjob
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
