I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize
