Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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