I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
