He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
