and you said cock pushups were impossible
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
