That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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