Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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