I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
