Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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