when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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