Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
