I can tuck mytits in my pants
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
