I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
