I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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