Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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