I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You ate ashes out of my bong
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
