finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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