FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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