I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
